By Glen Wunderlich Outdoor Columnist Member Professional Outdoor Media Association
Dear President Obama:
I am hoping you can help with a problem I am having with Emerald Ash Borers. I am not sure who to blame but I have learned that these killer bugs came from Asia and arrived in the Detroit area about 8 years ago. I only want to know who to blame for this terrible scourge on my towering ash trees. Somebody must pay! I realize you may not know how to fix the oil leak, which is destroying the Gulf Coast shorelines, but you sure know how to fix blame and hold people responsible. Can you do the same for me?…Your new best friend, Glen.
I’m sure not going to hold my breath waiting for some Obama bucks from his stash on this one, although Illinois Senator Durbin is seeking federal aid through some proposal. It’s time to salvage what we can from the millions of dying ash trees throughout the State of Michigan and I’m ready to do my part.
While I’m waiting, I better take that treestand down, which sits over 25 feet from the ground in a dying ash tree. I’m not sure how long these sick trees will stand but the handwriting is on the wall. I’m not going to push my luck anymore and will relocate to a pest-free tree.
Everyone knows that the majority of wood baseball bats used in professional baseball today are made from northern white ash. Hey, I’m willing to deal, so come and get it! I have an old ShopSmith, which easily converts to a wood lathe, that I’ll toss in, too. Call me. And, you congressmen and women could help out by outlawing aluminum bats in the lesser leagues. Come on! You did it with smoke. Everyone will understand that you’re doing it for the economy. We could start our own baseball bat factory right here in mid-Michigan. In fact, I know the Koskis over there in Saginaw County have a wood handle factory at the Mid-Michigan Old Gas Tractor Association grounds that could easily be converted. Jobs. Jobs. Jobs. Batter up!
I’ve been fighting the green movement long enough and maybe it’s time to reconsider my strategy. Yep. This heating season, I’ll do my part to become energy independent by joining the greenies. It’ll be green, white ash all winter long in the outdoor furnace. Just color me green. I realize there may be a little smoke involved, but with all the non-smoking facilities recently created in Michigan, things are sure to balance out. (Not recommended to city dwellers – certainly not for those in Owosso proper.)
And, in place of rock salt for melting ice, which we all know is bad for the environment, I’ll have plenty of ash ash to sprinkle atop the slippery ice surfaces around home this coming winter season. Just BYOB (bring your own bags) and I’ll hook you up.
I feel a bit sorry for the woodpeckers that have done their level best to eradicate the borers. Eventually they will lose a good source of protein, but it’s every man for himself.
